I don’t like to write about feelings and shit on blogs or even in life, but this was just a thought I need to get outta my head.
So, I’ve come to a realization that most of the time (cause there’s always exceptions) the people who fall in love, whether just ever or often, and more specifically the people more susceptible to love, whether the thought of it, the feeling, the infatuation with love, etc. are people who have seen love at home growing up.
And I don’t mean just people who had parents who were or are married throughout their childhood and were madly in love, but just any window to the emotion (romantically). Meaning…if lets say you had a single mother, even if she wasn’t married to your father, lets say she dated and you’ve seen her in love with somebody, that’s seeing love at home. Or if your parents are divorced, but they were at some point madly in love or even if they faked their love, that’s still seeing love. But when you have parents, whether they are together or not, but you see no love between them, I feel like it kinda fucks you up.
My parents have been together since ‘91, my mom moved to Israel in November, and their divorce papers went through on February 12th, 2012 - what would be their 20th wedding anniversary. I am not one bit bitter about their divorce, I’m actually happy for them, because they were together for 18 years for the sole purpose of raising me. The thing is, every since I was old enough to figure shit out, I’d say around 7 or 8 years old, I knew they weren’t in love, and they didn’t even try to play me like they were. And the older I grew the more I knew the reason they were together. I don’t think I’ve ever seen my parents kiss each other, like maybe one time. I grew up without seeing love. My parents were cold to each other, always fighting, and there were never even make ups, just bitterness, and eventually toleration. I’m not trying to sound like I had a fucked up childhood, cause it can be much, much worse, but it kind of sucks to never have seen either of my parents in love, with each other nor with other people.
That is my theory for why I’ve never been in love. I mean I will be one day hopefully (not any time soon though) but I’m obviously not the lovey-dovey, affection, in-love-with-love type of person.
Sorry for the gay shit for my like 3 Tumblr followers. Adios.
